Real Life Vignettes and Thoughts

This is a bunch of thoughts I’ve had today and the last few days. I want to share them, but I don’t have the energy right now to “write like a motherfucker” and put it all into a real post. So, instead, I’m going to share these snippets here, then probably have a cup of tea, a nap, and unpack some more boxes.

I have a deck now, and it’s more important to me than I would have guessed. I knew I wanted a yard and a deck or patio. I didn’t know I’d be out here daily.

I didn’t know I could mow a lawn well. I’d never done it. But it’s done now. I’ll probably mow the front lawn tomorrow. It’s possible mowing the lawn will just be one of my chores. Ok.

A photo of a bagel spread with cream cheese. A glass of water next to it.

I worry so much about Bill’s cough. He’s got walking pneumonia. This seems to mean that he coughs a lot and he hurts a lot but he’s still able to do a lot of things. It’s hard to tell if his meds are helping him or not. Even he’s struggling to tell.

I’m massively drained and I can’t seem to recharge. I’m sad and tired and lonely and it’s so extreme my arms hurt. And it’s been going on for a few days.

I’m glad I see my therapist tomorrow.

Somehow I’m managing to be productive despite the above.

My kitchen is now usable. I think we’re going to have homemade pizza tonight. I’m excited about this. That probably means I should make dough and sauce. Good thing I bought red cippolini onions the other day.

I think I live in the cultural appropriation capital of the world. I feel like I’m going to have to become numb to it to function here. I feel like that’s beginning already. I don’t know how to both function and still notice it and speak about it.

Do I know any Roma people who are into craft beer in America?

I paid to get a recent piece edited, and it was worth it. I wish I could do that more often.

A small brown dog with white feet and tail lying in the sun on a wooden deck. The dog is far from the camera.

I still refuse to do ads on my site. That makes me feel both virtuous and unintelligent. I consider a Patreon, but what do I have to offer?

I have so much to say, why does nothing come?

I need someone else to say something too.

I suddenly have reason not to trust people I really trusted, and I could explain that to them until I was blue in the face, but they wouldn’t understand my points. If they did, we wouldn’t be in this spot. But I think they can learn. But maybe not from me.

My dogs are adorable, but Happy refuses to go down the stairs. I hope his spine is not injured again. I hope he’s just a whiny dog. I love that little fucker so much.

I miss Chicago and all my Chicagoans more than I can say. Portland’s a fine enough place, but I still haven’t managed to get settled here.

Maybe my deck will help.

12 thoughts on “Real Life Vignettes and Thoughts

  1. 1. I like the word “vignette” and think it needs more love in general.
    2. I am sorry that you’re feeling too drained to write, because I think several of these little thoughts need to be coaxed into longer posts of their own.
    3. I hope you can start to feel at home in Portland soon. Transitions are so hard.

    • 1) Agreed.
      2) I don’t know if there’s longer posts in there. Maybe?
      3) They are so hard. It’ll happen, I’m sure. someday.

  2. I feel for you. I’m in a similar situation. Call me anytime you need somebody to talk to. I’m in EST now

  3. Make sure your therapist reads this, please. I don”t have any great words to encourage you, but I wish and hope for your well-being. When you stop back in CHI, be sure to say you’re coming!

    • I’ll make sure my therapist reads it if she wants to read it/feels she needs to. I promise. I will see her in under two hours and we’ll talk about a lot of this.

      Dave, you’re a great guy. Thanks for this and for being my friend.

  4. I’m leaving this comment question here, because I’m able whereas I cannot comment on your post from 2011 for some reason. >

    I like salt pork for my split peas, etc. I just started ordering ‘pick-up’ groceries from a grocer who does not offer “salt pork” but offers “bacon ends & pieces”. I need to know the differences between the two items.

    I’ve heard the fat quality isn’t the same, like for some reason salt pork fat is better? Make sense? Also wondering if bacon ends and pieces have been salted or not?

    • Hi Angela!

      Thanks for reading! So, the ends and pieces have definitely been salted; they are, on occasion, saltier than normal center-cut bacon.

      I have not used salt pork yet. Unfortunately, it’s not something I encounter much. The major difference, if I understand correctly, is that salt pork is cured via salt & other things but not smoked. Bacon is both. I do not know if salt pork is fattier, though the “Good Eats” episode I just watched implied such. I think if you like a smokey flavor to your foods, try an order of ends & pieces. Sort out the fattier ends (there will be some) for anything requiring salt pork, and the leaner ends for anything requiring bacon as something like a condiment or in a sauce.

      This post on ham ends and this post on bacon ends may also help you figure out what you need to know.

    • Heya. This is late. Very. But it was somewhat productive. I’m just trying to move forward and get back on track. Again.

  5. Hug to you! Your lawn mowing comment made me grin. I know the settling in process is a long haul. Have you found any good dog walking/exploring paths?

    • Not yet, but we’re working on it. We did walk the pups and get ice cream just last night! (Which would be more than a month since you asked, but who’s counting?)

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