What WAS I Thinking?

I’m not sure when I originally wrote this post, but it’s been sitting in my drafts since sometime after August of last year. It’s time to come out of my latest blogging hiatus, but I’ve been unsure what to start with. A wise friend of a friend suggested something in my drafts. This was almost finished and is still interesting, so I went with it. I hope you all enjoy and have some suggestions for me! (Note: I no longer work in a bar, but we’ll get to that in a future post.)

Recently, I asked my twitter followers to help me make a “Rage” playlist. I got some good suggestions and have started compiling a Spotify playlist for “Rage.” It’s very short, though, so if you have suggestions, please leave them in the comments. I need several 8+ hour playlists for Spotify because that’s what we use at work. And I have moods and all.

Anyway, as I went to go compile that list, I saw I had a list called, “The Best.” Just, “The Best.” And, oddly? It seems to be like a proto-“Rage” list. It definitely doesn’t qualify as “rage-y”, but there’s some kinda angry/schadenfreude/”fuck you” theme here. I definitely love these songs, but what I would love to know what the hell I was thinking. Any ideas? Or suggestions for additions? (I do need a lot of playlists…)

“The Best” Playlist

Not Ready to Make Nice by Dixie Chicks

I love this song, and frankly I’m pretty darn ok with the “forgive but don’t forget” message running through it. I also love the “I’m going to do things my way” message. So, I think I was feeling a lot of these two things when I started making this list. I also know I had heard a lot of it on my long drive from Chicago to Portland because I played a LOT of Dixie Chicks on that trip. (I am so glad Kristi never strangled me.)

Fight Song by Rachel Platten

Another one that got a lot of play on the road trip, though not as much play. I discovered Platten earlier in 2015 courtesy of Angelique, and somehow all of her music really spoke to me. This one, though? I loved the imagery of causing explosions with a single match and the explicit acknowledgement of having faith in oneself even if no one else had faith in you.

Front Row by Alanis Morrisette

I just mostly can make out the chorus, “I’m in the Front Row, the Front Row with popcorn.” I imagine her watching someone finally getting their comeuppance. And that’s how I feel when I hear this song. It’s enhanced with my only being able to make out a few phrases like, “Slid into a ditch” and “I know he’s blood but you can still turn him away, you don’t owe him anything.”

Not The Doctor by Alanis Morrisette

I honestly don’t know. I do love this song, but what does it have to do with everything else on this damn list?

Goodbye Earl! by Dixie Chicks

I hated this song when it came out. It drove me up a wall. I detested the use of murder to solve problems.

Turns out getting older allowed me to have some perspective. Namely that I could kind of understand situations and stories better. Murder isn’t a good solution, I still know that. But I understand a lot more of the social context around this song. And I like it these days.

Bitch by Meredith Brooks

When this song came out, this is who I thought I was. This and the gal in Garth Brooks’ “She’s Every Woman”. I valued the contradictions in both women and how delightfully confusing each was. Now, I don’t think this is me at all, nor is it the woman I’d like to be. I vastly prefer trying to be clear, honest, and generally understandable. This isn’t to say I don’t have contradictions; it’s not possible for a human to be totally consistent, I don’t think. We all contain multitudes.

I think I just included this one because I appreciate the fact that I used to want to be this person, and I still appreciate the person her song is “to” is so able to just go with the flow of her multitudes.

What WAS I Thinking

I still don’t know. But if you have ideas, I’d love to know. And, seriously, if you have additions to this list or my “Rage” list (that’s music for when you’re enraged) please share. Currently I’m surviving on Spotify “Artist Radio” stations which are ok, but have a fucking LOT of repitition over the course of even two hours, much less a full six to eight hour shift. Thankfully, I work at a bar. So it doesn’t have to be super safe for work.

Please help.

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