Almost All Fat Bacon

9:55 am –

The slices were so large I pulled out two pans and am preheating the oven. I both begin to wonder where my bacon press from my mother-in-law resides now and to question my own use of any bacon-flattening devices. The rendered fat, from just two slices per pan, is already flabbergasting.

10:01 am –

I have never before seen bacon float on a sea of it’s own fat.

10:15 am –

About to post photos. Apparently when bacon is this fatty, you can get almost a full cup of rendered fat, easily, from just four slices. Furthermore, it’s insanely easy to burn almost all fat bacon.

10:21 am –

My house smells like burned bacon. Adrienne’s not going to visit me for a month.

10: 23 am –

Photos. This is the moment where I see if my blog followers get overly grossed out or not.

Yes. I intentionally bought bacon that looked like this. A full pound.


I burned it. Apparently that’s easy to do.


I swear, it’s not crude oil.


10:30 am –

If I hadn’t burnt it, this would be some of the best bacon ever. As it is, I burnt it. So I don’t know what to do with it.

10:33 am –

See the tea on the counter. Realize that of course I burned the bacon. I forgot to caffeine earlier.

10:43 am –

Photo was taken 10+ minutes ago, but still. This shouldn’t burn. But it’ll take so long to cook that we’ll be back into what Bill and David jokingly call “sous vide bacon.”

Translucency.


10:50 am –

I have now a full cup of bacon fat. I also have glorious caffeine.

10:56 am –

It’s been six minutes and I just realized I’ve heard no sizzling. I suspect I should be afraid.

10:59 am –

Yup. Burned it again.

11:06 am –

Very slowly finishing the last pieces I put in. Then I’m going to take a bacon break. Rather, a break from bacon. I’m not done cooking yet.

11:57 am –

My resolve has returned. I am making the last six slices. Hopefully, I will not burn them.

12:01 pm –

There is sizzling in the kitchen. It sounds like the right kind of sizzling. Except that pop there. Damnit.

12:12 pm – I just found a slice of bacon, from the previous batch, on top of one of the pans of my current batch. Apparently it’d stuck to the pan lid I use as a bacon press.

12:28 pm –

I am down to only one pan with cooking bacon in it. This feels like a victory.

12:56 pm –

I got about a cup and a third of rendered (unstrained) fat from this pound of bacon. One cookbook I’ve checked out of the library says I’m supposed to get about a quarter cup from a pound…

1:19 pm –

For once in my life, I didn’t relearn that hot glass looks just like cold glass!

1:27 pm –

Spoke too soon. Damn.

1:41 pm –

Strained the grease. Got almost 1 2/3 c strained bacon fat. Cleaned up the area. Set the dishes aside to wash when I get back from picking up Bill from the airport. Put cooked bacon in fridge. Saw I’d forgotten two more slices to be cooked.

Fuck.

1:45 pm –

Might as well share some photos.

I shall never lack for bacon grease again.


So much and so long to render that a bit of it did, in fact, start solidifying. That or it’s just freakin’ cold in my house.


Clear and golden. And over six times the norm for a single pound of bacon.

And I’m not done with the pound yet. Damn.

Ok. So ends the live-blogging of cooking bacon. Because, really, no one wants to read me live-blogging the cleaning of bacon-messed dishes.

4 thoughts on “Almost All Fat Bacon

  1. It’s been ten minutes!! What’s happening? Did you slip on the slick of bacon fat accumulating on the floor? WE NEED TO KNOW!

    • As you can see with the final update, I did not die! What you didn’t know is that I also did not drop any bacon grease on the floor. AMAZING.

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